Standing up for Yourself means Standing up for Others| Aimee Stephens (1960-2020): Not Just Cistory
Content Warning: this post includes the mention of suicide.
Aimee Stephens was the very first person whose I painted as a part of my Not Just Cistory series. I was inspired, at the time, by the recent victory of the court case she had instigated, as well as saddened by her recent death. She did not live to experience the victory of her court case, but she did help protect all of the other working trans folks in the United States. I wanted to honor the woman who was brave enough to stand up for herself, and demand to be treated equally by her employer regardless of what letter was marked down on her birth certificate.
Content Warning: This blog post contains the mention of a suicide attempt.
Early Inklings and and Conservative Upbringing
There is a common narrative that all transgender folks know that they are trans from a very young age. This is is a generalization of the complex path transgender individuals take untangling their own perceptions of self from the roles that influences like society and culture have placed on them.
However, some transgender folks do have a sense of their gender identity early on, and Aimee Stephens was one of them. She shared that even at age five she knew she was a girl (ACLU). Having been born "Dec. 7, 1960" (Ortiz, 2020) the atmosphere in the mid sixties towards transgender people was even less accepting than it was now. Stephens said in a 2019 interview with Detroit News, "growing up in a conservative Baptist family in Fayetteville, North Carolina, 'it's certainly not something that was talked about'...'It was shoved in the closet, and you didn't mention it again' (Burke, Stephens 2019).
The Stonewall Rebellion was still nine years away (Library of Congress), and while trans folks did exist, and were living their lives (Other subjects of the Not Just Cistory Series that were alive during this time include: Carmen Rupe, Bobbie Lea Bennett, Dora Richter, Danielle Bunten Berry, Aleshia Brevard, Holly Woodlawn, Rita Hester, and Vanessa Show, just to name some of them!) but there was no internet, and the communities that did exist were hidden and certainly not visible to an elementary-age child.
Finding her Calling and Identity
Aimee graduated from Mars Hill University in 1984 with a degree in religious education and obtained a degree in mortuary science from Fayetteville Technical Community College in 1988 (Ortiz, 2019). She didn't plan, at first to become a funeral director or embalmer. "[F]uneral services, [was] a career she discovered while studying to become a Baptist minister. She enjoyed knowing that she was helping people remember their loved ones at peace" (Ortiz, 2019). Aimee worked for decades providing comfort and dignity to families and the deceased, even though she herself was denied the same comfort and dignity that living as herself would have granted her.
When the internet became a place regular folks could visit, transgender folks gathered and shared their experiences, creating, for the first time, a way for individuals who were isolated from others like them, to share their experiences and find community. Aimee was one of these people, connecting with transgender communities for the first time. She explained ""the Internet came about, [and] I got the chance to explore a little, and said, hey, there's other people out there that kind of feel like I do'" (Burke, Stephens 2019). Of course, knowing that you're trans, and being able to understand what this means for yourself and live authentically are two different things, and do not often happen simultaneously.
Becoming Aimee Entirely
In the meantime, "[s]he married and divorced and married again after reconnecting with a childhood friend, Donna. [In the late nineties,] she moved to Michigan to be with her... settling in Metro Detroit" (Burke, Stephens 2019). While her life continued, Aimee still struggled to come to terms with and understand what her feelings around her gender and identity meant for her.
The tension and secrecy manifested itself in Donna and Aimee's marriage until Donna confronted her wife, demanding to know if she was cheating on her with another woman (Burke, Stephens 2019). Aimee decided to be honest with her wife, recalling "'I kind of laughed when she said that because it kind of was another woman, but not the way you'd expect,'... 'I said it was me, and this is what I'm dealing with" (Burke, Stephens 2019). This first bravery on Aimee's part is one that so many of us have gone through, in one way or another.
Thankfully, Aimee's vulnerability about her struggles was met with love (as it should be). "Donna suggested Stephens see a therapist, which she did, eventually coming to the conclusion she was transgender.... [She also] supported Stephens through her transition, as did most of her extended family" (Burke, Stephens 2019). With how popular attitudes towards transgender individuals have curdled in the past ten or so years, it is gratifying to see that the hatred we are experiencing has never been the norm.
Unfortunately, despite "living as a woman in every part of her life but work, where she feared the reaction to revealing her 'true self'" Aimee still struggled. 'I hated that every day I had to go, because I was not being honest with myself or anybody else at that point,' she said (Burke, Stephens 2020). This sort of dissonance between who a person is, and who they have to present to the world can be incredibly grating, and distressing, even if it is only in a singular part of their life.
In November 2012, Stephens decided to end her life. She felt trapped, saying "she couldn't go on living as 'two separate people'... In my mind, I was thinking: If I can't go forward and I can't go backwards, where does that leave me? I only had one conclusion in my mind, which was to end my life and let it be over'...". Ultimately she did not go through with her attempt, realizing that "'I liked me too much... And the only thing for me to do was to choose life and move forward, regardless'" (Burke, Stephens 2019). thankfully, Stephens was able to continue to take steps forward.
That same year "Aimee made the decision to tell her coworkers that she is a woman (ACLU)". This was the final step she needed to take in order to live as a woman, as herself, in every part of her life. Her letter read: "What I must tell you is very difficult for me and is taking all the courage I can muster... I have felt imprisoned in a body that does not match my mind, and this has caused me great despair and loneliness... I will return to work as my true self, Aimee Australia Stephens, in appropriate business attire. I hope we can continue my work at R.G. and G.R. Harris Funeral Homes doing what I always have, which is my best! (Ortiz, 2020)”. This act of bravery and vulnerability was another one that so many transgender individuals must take in order to be authentically themselves that is not typically required of cisgender folks.
A First Brave Step
Two weeks after she told her boss, in 2013, she was fired (ACLU). Some of the articles go into the reasoning of her boss, the funeral home's owner, Thomas Rost, but I do not feel that going into detailed description his motives to be relevant. I am writing about Aimee, and while Thomas did greatly affect her life in this aspect, I think it will suffice to share his statement in court, under oath, about why he fired Aimee; "Well, because he was no longer going to represent himself as a man. He wanted to dress as a woman” (Ortiz, 2020). He also referenced his religion, saying that he "believes the Bible teaches that a person's sex is 'an immutable God-given gift,' that it is wrong for a person to 'deny' his or her God-given sex" (Burke, Stephens 2019).
Remember, Aimee had received education to become a Pastor, and she did not agree with his interpretation. She said "'Having studied the Bible, I know that's not in the Bible'..." (Burke, Stephens 2019). She also pointed out that "'If he’s read and studied, and this is the conclusion he’s come to, that’s certainly his right. But that’s where his right ends. His belief doesn’t give him the option of discriminating against somebody else and the way they believe'"(Burke, Stephens 2019). Clearly he did not see Stephens as a woman, or respect her own knowledge of herself as a person.
Not willing to be simply tossed aside and denied the respect granted to others, Aimee Stephens embarked on another journey of bravery. She "filed a complaint with the federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, which sued the funeral homes, saying her employer had violated the Civil Rights Act of 1964. But a district court ruled in the employer’s favor. Ms. Stephens then won in the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit, in Cincinnati" (Ortiz, 2020). This began the case's rise through the courts. The "decision [of the Sixth Circuit] was challenged by the funeral home, represented by the Alliance Defending Freedom, a conservative nonprofit group, and in April 2019 the Supreme Court agreed to hear the case on the question of whether the Civil Rights Act protects transgender people from workplace discrimination" (Ortiz, 2020).
The end to Aimee's employment at R.G. and G.R. Harris Funeral Homes caused Aimee and her family strife, even beyond the emotional distress of being dismissed from a job and career that she loved, simply for being open and honest about herself. She now faced a struggle that many transgender individuals experience; the inability to find employment. We can't know if her transgender identity played a role in this struggle, but whatever the reason "she struggled to find work in the funeral home industry after her firing, despite her decades of experience. She had interviews, second and third interviews, then her calls wouldn't be returned" (Burke, Stephens 2019)
As time passed, the family's financial struggles continued, and "[s]he and Donna had to sell some of their possessions to get by financially. 'We're survivors,' she said... Despite the financial hardship, Stephens has not regretted challenging Rost's decision" (Burke, Stephens 2019). Stephens knew how important it was, not only for her, but for trans folks across the country, that she stand up to bigots who thought they could fire individuals for how they presented themselves.
Thankfully, she "eventually got a position as an autopsy technician at the Detroit Medical Center's Sinai-Grace Hospital dissecting bodies for pathologists..." and was able to work "through the end of 2014 when her kidneys failed. Between doctor's appointments and dialysis treatments, she couldn't work full-time and was forced to retire" (Burke, Stephens 2019). Throughout all of this, Stephens' case continued its way through the courts.
Victory and Bravery
When the Supreme court agreed to hear Stephens' case Aimee became the first openly transgender person whose civil rights case was heard by the court. (Romo, 2020) Her act of bravery allowed for her to pave the way for others whose choice of self-expression through dress does not align with the typical expectations for the sex printed on their documents. When Aimee "traveled to Washington for the Supreme Court hearing on the case... She said at the time that she was overwhelmed by the number of people demonstrating on her behalf... 'To hear them outside of the courthouse steps chanting my name, telling me that they loved me, that has a big effect on you... The more I’ve seen the support, it gives me the strength to get up another day, to go on fighting another day and give that same hope to all the rest'" (Ortiz, 2020). Aimee's bravery had become a beacon that transgender folks could and did rally around.
In the end, the supreme court judged "that LGBTQ people are protected under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which states employers cannot fire, refuse to hire or otherwise penalize people because of their sex" (Romo). More technically, The ruling was "Affirmed, 6-3, in an opinion by Justice Gorsuch on June 15, 2020. Justice Alito filed a dissenting opinion, in which Justice Thomas joined. Justice Kavanaugh filed a dissenting opinion (Barnes)". Aimee's fight for respect and the right to dress professionally in a way that affirmed her identity, now extended to every transgender person in the United States.
Aimee passed away as a result of her kidney disease on May 12th, 2020, just a month before the ruling on her court case (Romo, 2020). While she was unable to see her victory on this side of life, she undeniably impacted multitudes of transgender individuals.
Fundamentally, Aimee Stephens wanted what all people, both trans and cis gender, want. "If you're part of the human race, which we all are, we all deserve the same basic rights. We're not asking for anything special. We're just asking to be treated like other people are "' (Romo, 2020).
Aimee Stephens, and her story, are featured in the first collection of my Ancestor Cards.
NOTE! Some links (those with an * next to the name) are affiliate links. I will receive a small commission if you use these links to purchase something. It will not change the price of the product for you.
References
References
ACLU. (n.d.). R.G. & G.R. Harris Funeral Homes v EEOC & Aimee Stephens. American Civil Liberties Union. Retrieved March 11, 2026, from https://www.aclu.org/cases/rg-gr-harris-funeral-homes-v-eeoc-aimee-stephens
Barnes, A. (2018, August 6). R.G. & G.R. Harris Funeral Homes Inc. v. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. SCOTUSblog. https://www.scotusblog.com/cases/case-files/r-g-g-r-harris-funeral-homes-inc-v-equal-opportunity-employment-commission/
Burke, M. N. (2019, September 16). “I chose to stand up”: Mich. transgender woman takes firing fight to High Court. The Detroit News. https://www.detroitnews.com/story/news/politics/2019/09/16/michigan-transgender-rights-case-supreme-court/2231329001/?gnt-cfr=1&gca-cat=p&gca-uir=false&gca-epti=z119924u116124v119924&gca-ft=285&gca-ds=sophi
Library of Congress. (2019). Research Guides: LGBTQ+ Studies: A Resource Guide: Stonewall Era and Uprising. Guides.loc.gov; Library of Congress. https://guides.loc.gov/lgbtq-studies/stonewall-era
Ortiz, A. (2020, June 16). Aimee Stephens, Plaintiff in Transgender Case, Dies at 59. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/12/us/aimee-stephens-supreme-court-dead.html
Romo, V. (2020, May 12). Aimee Stephens, Transgender Woman At Center Of Major Civil Rights Case, Dies At 59. NPR.org; National Public Radio. https://www.npr.org/2020/05/12/854946825/aimee-stephens-transgender-woman-at-center-of-major-civil-rights-case-dies-at-59
